Just Trans Things

supergrumpybisexual-blog asked: Hello there, my name is ash and i am questioning whether or not im trans (ftm). Ive been questioning since i was in 3rd grade, im starting 11th grade in a month. I want to be comfortable as myself as, whatever i am. Do you have any advice?

Well, it’s been a while since you asked this. I hope your school is going well and you’re making progress on being comfortable! I’ll still give you what advice I can based on a very broad question.

If you’ve been questioning since 3rd grade, odds are you are indeed trans. Whether you’re FtM or some flavor of nonbinary, I can’t say. It’s okay to take your time to figure that out though. And it’s okay to just come out as “I think I might be trans” to some people of your choice while you do figure it out. That way, they can help you and talk through it with you. Figuring yourself out all by yourself is very difficult.

When it comes to being comfortable with yourself, as well as when it comes to coming out, the most important thing I can recommend is to surround yourself with people that you feel comfortable being yourself around. Now, you’re still in high school, so your choice of who to surround yourself with is limited. There will be people you see every day regardless of whether you want to. But in pretty much any high school, you should be able to find at least a few people that you’re really comfortable with. Find those and then invest your emotional energy into building solid, mutually supportive friendships with them where everyone can feel free to be themselves.

toffee-coffee asked: Sometimes i feel like i might be trans. But im comfortable with being feminine. Like i just feel like i should have a dick. Like instead of being ftm im mtf whos already gone through transition... does that make sense? sorry if that doesnt make sense

There’s a few possibilities here. Maybe you experience body dysphoria in the form of feeling like you should have a body part that you don’t have, but you do identify as the gender you were assigned. Or maybe you don’t identify as female, but you don’t identify as male either, so the comfort with your femininity comes from the fact that you’re nonbinary in some way. Or maybe you do identify as male but you just have a strong feminine side. All of these are perfectly fine!

(I don’t know how common it is for trans women who have had bottom surgery to feel the way you describe, by the way. I would guess that people who feel that way would generally opt to transition but not have bottom surgery. But that’s not really relevant to your point, you were only trying to come up with an analogy for how you feel because you’re trying to make sense of things!)

Anonymous asked: hi! i am non-binary but im looking to transition to transmasculine through HRT and was wondering if anyone knows any good places to start? whether it be a trans friendly therapist or clinic in the los angeles area. thank you!

I don’t know any resources in the Los Angeles area but perhaps someone else does! If you do, please respond to this post!

myhumanlifeline asked: I am looking for some forums/panels for LGBT youth. Any suggestions?

There’s a huge LGBTQ+ community on Tumblr and YouTube, but those are kind of different from most forums… if anyone knows anything, please respond to this post!

meganmusic15-blog asked: I came out as genderfluid a while back; I thought my dysphoria fluctuating was my gender fluctuating. And I've only recently realised that I'm actually trans (ftm)... and I'm terrified to re-come out. What can i do? Sorry for the stupid question

It’s not a stupid question at all!

Re-coming out is actually not at all uncommon. Figuring out your gender is a process, and a lot of people first land on something that’s close to the truth but not quite it. And that’s totally fine! Anyone who truly cares about you will support you just like they did the first time you came out. If they don’t, then they’re not being true friends.

If you’re struggling with how to broach the topic, you could start with “Hey, so I’ve been thinking about my gender some more and I realized…” and then explain to them what you just explained to me, which is a totally coherent and understandable story!

edgyoctopusdad asked: Also another question I'm so sorry I'm bothering you again but I'm having such a hard time trying to figure out a name for myself. Like I just..??? How do people choose names like that what is your secret

People go about it in lots of different ways.

Some people take their old name as a basis and pick something that is similar but not associated with their assigned gender.

Some people pick a letter that they like and look for names with that.

Some people ask their parents what they would have been called if they had been assigned another gender at birth.

Some people look at popular baby names around the time they were born and pick one from there.

Some people name themselves after a fictional character or famous person they love.

I even know someone who was simply nameless for a while. They couldn’t deal with their old name anymore, but they didn’t have a new one yet, so when people asked their name they’d just say “I don’t have one of those, you can call me whatever you want.” It resulted in some cute nicknames, and it gave them the time to figure out their name without the stress of being deadnamed all the time.

There’s probably more that I’m not thinking of right now, so if anyone has another method, please reply to this post!

Anonymous asked: Hey, so, I kind of need some help. Up until now I thought I was agender (Afab) and I thought I was okay with that. Recently I'm thinking I might be FTM, and a dude. My dysphoria has been worse but I don't want to have bottom surgery. I'm worried that I am FTM, because I still prefer more unisex names and I have a friend who won't want to be friends with me if I'm a gay dude (but I'm polyromantic anyway), and I'm not sure. How do I figure out whether I'm agender or a dude for definite?

Well, you start by not taking that person’s opinion into account, because they don’t sound like a true friend at all. Real friendship isn’t conditional on how you identify, it’s based on your personality and your actions. I don’t know what your friend’s problem is with gay dudes, but they sure has hell have no right to take it out on you if you turned out to be one.

Aside from that, well, you could be agender or a dude or something inbetween. You definitely don’t have to want bottom surgery in order to be a trans guy - there are plenty who don’t. You can also be agender and have really intense dysphoria. Or maybe you’re genderqueer, or a demiboy, or genderfluid and you shift between multiple things. Take some time to meditate on what feels right to you. Don’t think, just feel it. Whatever it is is great.

iambennett asked: Hi! I'd like to ask for help/reassurance pls. I'm AFAB. Since I was a kid, I felt I wanted to be a man. I hate dresses, make-up, anything feminine, but I'm only attracted to guys. My dysphoria isn't really strong but something in me wonders how it is to transition. I don't like having breasts. I've had dreams before where I had a penis & I really liked having it. Been called 'sir' sometimes but it didn't sit well with me. Am I trans enough? What am I? I'm so confused. Thanks! PS I'm not out yet.

It sounds like you’re a gay man! I’m basing that on the way you describe your dysphoria and the fact that you always wanted to be a man. Of course you could always still be some form of nonbinary, and that’s perfectly fine too! That could be why you don’t like being called “sir”. Or that could just be because it feels overly formal to you, or because it doesn’t make sense with your age, or because you’re still scared of embracing a male identity even though you do want to. All of these reasons, or whatever other reason it might be, are perfectly valid, and in any case you’re definitely trans enough. 

flower-fury asked: I am Bigender and feel most comfortable with he/him pronouns. Am I considered trans? When I have to explain to people my gender I usually say that I'm sort of trans but I don't know if that's correct or not.

Yeah, you’re trans. Anyone who doesn’t identify as their assigned gender is trans, and “bigender” isn’t something people get assigned at birth. So you’re officially trans. A lot of people associate the word trans with binary male-to-female and female-to-male identities, though, so it makes sense that you might not want to simply call yourself trans. If “sort of trans” feels right to you, then that’s the correct label for you!

Anonymous asked: This is probably gonna sound weird, but I'm post op (top and bottom) but I still get dysphoria from my scars. For example, I went swimming in a hotel public pool today and I had 2 little kids point out my scars. I know they didn't mean anything by it, but it keeps reminding me that I still wont be seen as a male by some people. Is there anyway to deal with this type of dysphoria?

That doesn’t sound weird at all! Dysphoria can have a bunch of different causes, and one very common cause is the feeling that people will not see you the way you want to be seen. So if you feel like that’s the result your scars have, then it makes total sense that that makes you feel dysphoric.

I do think, though, that people probably see the scars differently than you think they do. To you, they are a very specific indicator of surgical procedures you had to make you appear more masculine. So to you, when kids point out your scars, it probably feels like they’re saying “Look, that guy used to have a more feminine body than he does now!” But to those kids, those scars could be from absolutely anything, and the surgeries you had are probably not what they’re going to guess. Most likely what they’re saying is “Wow, I wonder how he got those badass-looking scars!”

Really, the only people who will see your scars and know what they’re from are people who are “in the know” so to speak. That is to say, other trans people or people who have trans friends. Both those groups are, if anything, more likely to see you as male knowing you had those surgeries, because they understand what those surgeries are for. 

There may be a third group, of people who are actively transphobic, and if they see your scars they may say or think shitty things. And that will feel awful if it happens, but that’s a really small portion of all the people who will ever see your scars. The vast majority either has no idea what they are or is a fellow trans person or ally.

gllittering asked: I'm trying to find some ref pics of tattoos over top surgery scars idk if you know where I could find some? google was fairly unhelpful

I also tried and failed to find many. You probably found this one and this one already. Beyond that, I think you might be best off just looking for chest tattoos in general. For example, I don’t think this one is over scars, but it could work very well. Then, you can do a separate search for tattoos over scar tissue to get a sense of what that looks like. Based on those two searches combined, I think you should be able to form a pretty good idea!

Anonymous asked: hi im a 13 year old trans boy and i. id just like some advice on how to stop people from calling me names at school (cos im out there) like "the it" and "sir her" and saying i have diseases

I’m going to assume that you’ve already been given all the standard advice like “just ignore them” and “talk to a teacher”. So I’m going to skip over that.

Actually, ignoring them is not altogether bad advice, but it only works if you can really ignore them. Bullies can usually tell that they’re getting to you even if you don’t verbally react. So the key is not in ignoring them; it’s in becoming aware and convinced, on a fundamental level, that you are better than them and they are not worth your time. That’s not easy to do. It requires you to become more mature that 13 year olds generally need to be. Of course, you are already more mature than 13 year olds generally need to be. By coming out at school, you have already displayed more courage than these bullies probably ever have in their life. So, with that in mind, here are some pieces of advice.

1. Know that there is a place inside you where they cannot get to you. It’s the same place where the self-awareness to know that you are trans came from, and the courage to speak out about it. Know that that place is always there, and know that you can go there.

2. Own it. These kids are damn right they should be calling you “sir”! You’re more self-aware, brave, and mature than they will possibly ever be in their entire lives. So when they give you a nickname, take it. Spin it to your advantage. Make it your instagram handle and casually post funny things about being trans, making it look like it’s no big deal to you. When they joke about you, shoot back that your penis is still bigger than theirs. The less taboo you make the subject, the less of a taboo there will be for them to break.

3. Take up a martial art. Not even necessarily to use it, but because knowing how to physically defend yourself will boost your overall self-confidence and you will seem like less of an easy target. When you walk by a group of bullies, visualize yourself beating them in a fight. Of course, the fact that you now know how to handle yourself if someone does physically attack you is a nice bonus.

4. Find queer friends. In school, outside of school, online, wherever. This will make you feel like you’re not alone in facing the bullies, and will again boost your overall self-confidence. And if the bullying still doesn’t stop, your friends will be there to support you and validate you, and the bullying will seem much less important and impactful for it.

I know this is a lot. It’s not fair that you have to do all of this, after having already done so much. But you’re brave, and you’re strong, and I know you can do it. I wish you all the luck in the world.

Anonymous asked: hey so is there any way that you can post some stuff about being trans enough and not faking and all that bc I'm feeling kinda shitty in that respect right now. thank you so much for this blog!

I gotcha my friend <3

Remember, you’re real, you’re valid, you’re trans enough.

Anonymous asked: I'm an mtf teen and I have very homophobic and transphobic parents, and I know that if I came out that they'd disown me. They won't even let me grow out my hair. Seeing my body grow more and more male is making my dysphporia even worse. Any advice?

Safety first! If you don’t have anywhere to go if your parents kick you out, don’t come out to them. It’s awful not being able to come out, but you need to stay safe. If it becomes unbearable, work towards finding a way to move out so that you can be yourself somewhere else. 

Talk to someone you trust. It’s vital to have someone in your life who knows who you really are and supports you, even if it’s online.

Also, depending on where you live, it may be possible to get hormone blockers without your parents needing to be involved in the process at all. This won’t be the case anywhere, but it’s worth looking into. It won’t allow you to present exactly the way you want to, but it will prevent your body from developing further in ways you don’t want it to.